Great-Birth Grandmothers

Great-Birth Grandmothers... What a mouthful. Adoption certainly does make titles complicated.

Yesterday was pretty amazing. M&M's birth daddy went to visit her with me and his grandmother and uncle came too. [Back story: they are fairly supportive of the adoption and had yet to see the baby] It is pretty incredible to see the immediate love for a baby. This little person who can't do much on her own except look cute and poop is bringing families together that otherwise never would have met and forming such an unbreakable bond, they will be together forever. When my own grandmother visited it was the same way--instant connection and pride--this was even more incredible because not only was this kind of adoption out of their norm, but there was also a big language barrier that is breached only by this little girl that we all love.

The Unexpected Stork

I think the most important thing in any unplanned pregnancy is support. For me, I would not have made it through the past year and every day for the rest of my life without the love and support of my family and friends. My parents were incredibly understanding and the whole situation actually healed a lot of hurt and brought us closer together. My brothers were their same loving selves and gave me a sense of normalcy I so desperately needed. My friends stood by me and held my hand as I walked through the world feeling judged by other but protected by them. Even though people still judge me for having a child when I'm only 18, I know the people who love me regardless are the ones I really want in my life.

It is heart-breaking to me to know that most girls were not as blessed as me. I personally know some who's parents wanted them to have an abortion, kicked them out of the house, and even disowned them for an undoubtedly stupid mistake. Even though the mistake was made, I have unspeakable respect for those with enough strength to see the consequences through and bring a beautiful new life into the world, whether they parent or not. For someone to do all that without the love and support I had seems unbearable to me. No girl deserves to go through that alone. That's why I want to start a support group to let girls know they are not alone in this endeavor.  Even though I'm not sure exactly what that will look like or even if anything will come of it, this is my calling. To love on all those girls who have been hurt and abandoned, but still have enough strength of character to carry that little person for 9 months; to give up their bodies, their hearts, and so much more. That is the true sacrifice of a mother.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=136044673086067

Case of the Mondays

Some visits are easy, some visits are hard. Monday would definitely fall into the "hard" category. My 16-week-old daughter, Emilia, was adopted by a family who is pretty incredibly. The mom is one of the most loving, nurturing and supportive people I know, the father is loving in a goofier way similar to that of my own sweet Daddyo, and their other daughter is happy, light-hearted and mature beyond her five (and a half) years.

I met them back in December of '09 when I was about 2 months pregnant and spent the majority of Mondays since then getting to know them. After Emilia was born on June 25th I continued visiting most weeks. The first month was pretty easy. I was glad not to be pregnant, glad Emilia was happy and cared for without keeping me up at all hours (though she has slept through the night for the past couple months which wouldn't have been so bad...). The second month was fairly torturous as Emilia became more alert and started to recognize her adoptive mother more than me. After a long process of self-reflection (to be talked about in a later post) this third month has been quite enjoyable for the most part.


Monday... Not so enjoyable. Emilia is teething or going through a growth spurt or something that is just making her very unhappy and sleepy. Anyways, I was holding her and she started to cry and get very upset so of course her mom scooped her up (politely asking first) and took her to the other room to calm her down while I played with her sister and birth father. Anyone who is a mom will understand that when your baby is crying every cell in your body is screaming to pick her up and make everything better. This is definitely the message my body was sending me, but I am not her mom so it's not my job to do that (at least when her parents are around).

So basically this whole internal battle was going on inside me where I couldn't concentrate on anything but M's cries and  there was nothing I could do about it. I chose her adoptive mom because I knew she would be a great mother even before I saw her with either kid. This includes taking care of her kids (obviously) and putting them before all else. Therefore, I wouldn't have wanted her to do anything differently but that doesn't make it suck any less.

Even though days like that are completely heartbreaking, they also remind me that Emilia is in an amazing home where she's being looked after and I am so incredibly glad I can be there to see it. Needless to say, I am a huge proponent of open adoptions. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, seeing my daughter grow up, hearing her laugh or even cry, makes up for every ounce of pain a thousand fold. I love that little lady with all my heart.

Chapter Three

Chapter One: Childhood- There once was a little blond girl, who lived in a simply happy world. Her mom and her dad, loved her like mad, with no clue what life would unfurl.

Chapter Two: Adolescence- The girl dyed her hair black; to her parents she began to talk back. The things she would do, to pick up her mood, got her totally lost and off track.

Chapter Three: Postpartum- Nine months and one baby later, her path was significantly straighter. Her family she loved, over all else above. And now it was her turn to help others.