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My name is Hillary, I'm 24 and have a beautiful daughter who was born June 25, 2010. She was adopted by an amazing family with whom I am now very close. Adoption is an incredible experience but can extremely suck sometimes. I feel called to share my story with other people not only to spread knowledge about adoption (especially open adoptions) but also to help support girls going through unplanned pregnancy/adoption.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Bad Day

Today is a normal day. I'm not doing anything different. The sun is shining and I've been able to relax all morning and do all the things I like. All and all it should be a good day. But I miss my baby. I'm not sure why today of all days, but I miss her more than ever. It's so easy for me to lay in bed, look at pictures of her, run over every second I've spent with her, wonder what she's doing right now. It's so easy to turn to my old "supports" who never really held me up that well. I usually try to put some happy spin on the pain, but to be honest, days like this suck beyond belief. And of course the stupid diaper or pregnancy test type commercials keep taunting me. It is exhausting to be mature and okay with this all the time when it is a million times more painful than giving birth or anything else I've ever experienced. That's not to say I don't believe 100% I chose the right path for me and my daughter but on days like this it absolutely blows. All I can do is get through today, hope tomorrow is better, and remember I get to see my sweet, happy baby girl in a mere three days.
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2 comments:

  1. AmyNovember 13, 2010 at 12:15 AM

    i know exactly how you feel - life is good, but our hearts are dark. we are lucky, because we get to see our babies, but we will never be able to raise our babies, and that makes all the difference. you're a strong woman ♥

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  2. UnknownNovember 16, 2010 at 5:18 PM

    Hey there. Gotta feel what you feel when you feel it. It does suck, no doubt about it. It's going to come and go. Sometimes the timing will make sense to you and sometimes it won't. Little things can trigger a flood of feelings. You can have delayed reactions to situations or comments that came up at times when you didn't feel free to react. And no matter how well you understand things, no matter how rational you are able to be, emotions are a whole separate force, not subject to your intellect. Keep riding them out. Be kind and gentle to yourself, and find new and better supports. Turn off those darn ads! There are an awful lot of overly sentimental ones on right now, leading into the holidays. Try to remember that it's all spin. NOBODY'S LIFE IS REALLY LIKE THAT!!!!

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